Chronicles of a Sad Girl

Henry is a sick individual. He loved torturing me. He enjoyed the crying and the screaming. After a while I did nothing. I closed my eyes and prayed it’d be over soon, it usually would be if I didn’t put up a fight. He brought a buddy for what would turn out to be his…

Alan, in the grand scheme of things, was not the most traumatic experience I’ve had. What’s worse than getting molested as a child? Rape. My next abuser stole my virginity, and stole my chance at a normal life. Henry is who I have nightmares about. He is the devil himself. This entry will probably be…

I don’t like Harry Potter or lord of the rings or anything that is so detached from reality.  You’d think based on my need to dissociate from real life, this would be my go to.  But I don’t find any comfort in something that will never happen.  I will never have a wand that fixes…

There’s nothing special about the day I met my first abuser. I’d like to say it was dark and gloomy or some shit that only happens in movies, complete with suspenseful music playing in the background, but that didn’t happen. The day was uneventful. Nothing special about it. Tina was mad at me and as…

Tina was abusive yes, but she was also a victim of abuse.There is no justification for the abuse I was subjected to but I understand where it all came from. Abuse is one of those things that cycles through generations, it leaves such an imprint on you and your psyche that it forever changes the…

I always wondered how I grew up to be a decent human being despite all of the abuse I endured as a kid. I credit the person I am to my grandparents. They gave me the stability I needed. A real home. Even if that home was only temporary. Grandma was the first adult who…

My mother sacrificed her whole future for her sister’s.  She helped pay the bills while her sisters went to college. My aunts both have fancy careers, own homes and have husband’s.  Mother is a single parent dealing with a kid she never wanted. My father was a married man. He ended up on Freddy’s couch…

I remember having to sleep alone away from everyone else. My 2 siblings took the room next to the adults and the baby slept in their room. I was at the other end of the house.  Nights were scary for many reasons, neighborhood violence, nightmares…abuse..it all was amplified at night. My room wasn’t big. It…

Nights were the worst. This is true even now as an adult. I’ve been prescribed Ativan to calm my night time anxiety and let my body relax but this is only an “as needed” medication.  The rest of the time I’m just hoping and praying I get to sleep without interruptions. Sometimes I remember why…

As far as I was concerned, my real family lived on TV.  I spent my days watching I love Lucy, full house and family matters wishing I could have that. I used to giggle at how unrealistic those family dynamics were. But I longed for it anyway. I wanted a father like Danny tanner. A…