Chronicles of a Sad Girl

  • An actual friendship

    Back home, I had very few “friends.” That’s because I pretty much ignored everyone. I didn’t have the mental space to deal with anything else other than the hell I was living at home. Danny was this weird girl who for some reason wanted to be my friend. I say weird, because she wasn’t like…

    shadowgirl

  • What it feels like

    Before I get into this, I’d like to explain what happens when you’ve been abused over your entire life and feel like you have no one to confide in. I’m sure that every victim has their own way to cope, but this is mine. Whether it was sexual or physical abuse, the easiest, least painful…

    shadowgirl

  • Monster’s Everywhere

    Why do monsters exist? More often than not, they come from broken homes themselves. Guess its one of those nature versus nurture things, only I think it’s a little of both. Alicia is a sensitive soul. Just like mother and I. She gave me a glimpse into what my future would look like if I…

    shadowgirl

  • A New Kind of Broken

    Moving to our own apartment would finally allow mom and I to have an opportunity to build a relationship. Mom couldn’t hide behind Tina anymore, she had to be a parent. The last person I saw before I left was Alan. I was happy about that. Not because I was happy to see him, but…

    shadowgirl

  • The big Move

    Mom tried her best. I know that now that I’m an adult,  but that still doesn’t align with my stored emotions. She’s trying now and I see the effort but maybe deep down I still resent her. Everyone tells me I am my mom. And I agree. Doesn’t mean I like it though. My mom…

    shadowgirl

  • Father of the Year

    A father’s role in his daughters life is to model what a man should be. I don’t know what my mother saw in that guy because he was a sorry example of one. He never paid child support, and that’s mostly because my mother was too proud to ask for it. She let him off…

    shadowgirl

  • Cynical Romantic

    Having grown up knowing abusers exist, has changed the way I see everyone. It makes sense for me to think everyone’s bad because that’s been the experience. Alan, was nice. I know that is a component of the grooming process, but one of the reasons it’s so affective is because of the positive attention someone…

    shadowgirl

  • Down the Rabbit Hole

    Sisters should be eachothers best friends. Except if you’re mine and were raised by abusive parents. I know my sisters were affected by all of it as well, but I was the one who took the brunt of their wrath, so I guess they figured they could treat me like shit too. My sisters aren’t…

    shadowgirl

  • Perfection & Perception

    “It is our very search for perfection outside of ourselves that causes suffering” -Buddha It is wrong to expect perfection from anyone, including yourself. Perfection is a myth. I find it ironic that I expect people to be perfect but I am one of the most flawed people I know.  Is it because the adults…

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  • To be or not to be…

    It’s hard to “find yourself” when you were never given the opportunity to develop a self. Alan & Henry both made sure of that. So I’m not on a journey to find myself, I’m on a journey to heal. I want to give my inner child an opportunity to be what she was meant to…

    shadowgirl