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There is a Light That Never Goes Out…
It’s a hard thing to realize that you are the problem…that you contribute to the loneliness. If everyone leaves, no matter what, how much of that falls on my shoulders. Whether I choose bad people, or my attitude turns people away, I can’t just pretend other people hate me for no reason. I looked at…
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Mirror Mirror…
They say that people around you are a reflection of you. Whoever you end up being in a relationship with, and all of the friends that you consider to be close, show you a part of yourself that perhaps you aren’t proud of. Today I learned about transference and how we project our experiences about…
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Happiness is a conscious Decision…
It feels good. It feels good to be in a healthy space with people in my life. I never really had a healthy view of relationships. The way I operated was due to major traumas as a child that essentially conditioned me to feel unworthy of mutual love and respect. I was always doing everything…
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The S word.
Suicidal thoughts have always been normal to me. I was never accepted in any dynamic except by my grandparents and when my grandfather died, my young mind didn’t understand how that was any different from the abandonment I felt when I learned my father would never accept me. Suicidal ideation became more frequent after my…
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What about your Friends?
Let’s talk friends shall we? When you’re young, having tons of friends is celebrated. But as you get older, you realize that less is more. It’s about the quality and the depth of connection that matters. I didn’t know how to make “friends.” The world is different when you are your family’s scapegoat. Guess this…
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Who Cares!?
Today the sky is Grey. The sun doesn’t shine, the blue doesn’t show. It’s the perfect depiction of how I feel inside. I’m not empty. I exist. But what exists isn’t bright and shiny. It isn’t happiness and fulfillment. It just is. It’s just matter taking up space. That’s the perfect analogy for my existence.…
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Just keep swimming
Feeling sorry for myself has been the wrong approach to life. How much of my misfortune is due to how I think and feel about myself? I know that there have been things that happened that were out of my control. After all, suffering abuse as a kid was not exactly a choice. But here’s…
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To die or not to die…
Imagine how much pain, shame, guilt and feelings of unworthiness one has to carry to actually think that suicide is the best option. I don’t want to die. But I also know that I can’t handle anymore pain. I carry so much already. People wonder why my emotions go from 0 to 60 in a…
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Chronicles of a Sad Girl 