Chronicles of a Sad Girl

  • Fears & Friends……

    Nights were the worst. This is true even now as an adult. I’ve been prescribed Ativan to calm my night time anxiety and let my body relax but this is only an “as needed” medication.  The rest of the time I’m just hoping and praying I get to sleep without interruptions. Sometimes I remember why…

    shadowgirl

  • I beat you because “I love you.”

    As far as I was concerned, my real family lived on TV.  I spent my days watching I love Lucy, full house and family matters wishing I could have that. I used to giggle at how unrealistic those family dynamics were. But I longed for it anyway. I wanted a father like Danny tanner. A…

    shadowgirl

  • The Dichotomy of Peopleing part 2.

    We can’t really discuss the dichotomy of peopleing without discussing the other side of it. I used to think that I was a nurturer because I cared about others but now I’m not sure if it’s just a trauma response. Do I care? Or do I need to satisfy a need that I’m unaware of?…

    shadowgirl

  • The Dichotomy of Peopleing

    Peopleing (v.)The act of going out in public with people. Especially useful when the one using it hates people in general. Lets discuss the fine art of peopleing. As a person who suffers from social anxiety, you can probably conclude that I am not a fan. And I definitely am not, but I also care about people deeply. If this…

    shadowgirl

  • …..It’s a thin line…..

    Is there a difference between love & hate?For me, both are interchangeable. Hate is just masked love for someone like me who wasn’t taught there is a difference. I wanted so badly to be loved that I did anything and everything to matter to my family. To be perfect. But perfection isn’t attainable. I just…

    shadowgirl

  • The birth of social anxiety.

    Ahhh.  The weekend. Weekends are extra difficult to navigate when you suffer from social anxiety. I dread stores on weekends.  Too many people, too many sounds, scents….it all bothers me. I don’t choose to live this way.  I wish I didn’t care about any of that. Just want to be normal. Social anxiety is a…

    shadowgirl

  • Morning rituals of the young & the restless

    My first waking thought is, “great. this again.”  Sometimes I wake up and feel like crying just because I can’t handle the weight of it all. Sometimes I do, and most times I stare up at the ceiling and replay every single humiliating, embarrassing and painful event in my life. Either this or drown myself…

    shadowgirl

  • This is for all you beautiful weirdos…

    So quick introduction: I have childhood traumas that manifest in everyday life.  Of course that is not the entirety of who I am, but for the purposes of blogging and anonymity, I’ll keep that description for now. That’s also the entire purpose for starting this blog. I struggle with many mental issues, go to therapy…

    shadowgirl