Chronicles of a Sad Girl

There’s nothing special about the day I met my first abuser. I’d like to say it was dark and gloomy or some shit that only happens in movies, complete with suspenseful music playing in the background, but that didn’t happen. The day was uneventful. Nothing special about it. Tina was mad at me and as…

Tina was abusive yes, but she was also a victim of abuse.There is no justification for the abuse I was subjected to but I understand where it all came from. Abuse is one of those things that cycles through generations, it leaves such an imprint on you and your psyche that it forever changes the…

I always wondered how I grew up to be a decent human being despite all of the abuse I endured as a kid. I credit the person I am to my grandparents. They gave me the stability I needed. A real home. Even if that home was only temporary. Grandma was the first adult who…

My mother sacrificed her whole future for her sister’s.  She helped pay the bills while her sisters went to college. My aunts both have fancy careers, own homes and have husband’s.  Mother is a single parent dealing with a kid she never wanted. My father was a married man. He ended up on Freddy’s couch…

I remember having to sleep alone away from everyone else. My 2 siblings took the room next to the adults and the baby slept in their room. I was at the other end of the house.  Nights were scary for many reasons, neighborhood violence, nightmares…abuse..it all was amplified at night. My room wasn’t big. It…

Nights were the worst. This is true even now as an adult. I’ve been prescribed Ativan to calm my night time anxiety and let my body relax but this is only an “as needed” medication.  The rest of the time I’m just hoping and praying I get to sleep without interruptions. Sometimes I remember why…

As far as I was concerned, my real family lived on TV.  I spent my days watching I love Lucy, full house and family matters wishing I could have that. I used to giggle at how unrealistic those family dynamics were. But I longed for it anyway. I wanted a father like Danny tanner. A…

We can’t really discuss the dichotomy of peopleing without discussing the other side of it. I used to think that I was a nurturer because I cared about others but now I’m not sure if it’s just a trauma response. Do I care? Or do I need to satisfy a need that I’m unaware of?…