Chronicles of a Sad Girl

  • The big Move

    Mom tried her best. I know that now that I’m an adult,  but that still doesn’t align with my stored emotions. She’s trying now and I see the effort but maybe deep down I still resent her. Everyone tells me I am my mom. And I agree. Doesn’t mean I like it though. My mom…

    shadowgirl

  • Father of the Year

    A father’s role in his daughters life is to model what a man should be. I don’t know what my mother saw in that guy because he was a sorry example of one. He never paid child support, and that’s mostly because my mother was too proud to ask for it. She let him off…

    shadowgirl

  • A Christmas story

    Jealousy is such an ugly word isn’t it? And one that no one likes to be associated with, but let’s break it down. Jealousy is a combination of emotions. It’s a mix fear, anger and anxiety. So yea, I get jealous all the time. The trick is to understand your jealousy by figuring out what…

    shadowgirl

  • Cynical Romantic

    Having grown up knowing abusers exist, has changed the way I see everyone. It makes sense for me to think everyone’s bad because that’s been the experience. Alan, was nice. I know that is a component of the grooming process, but one of the reasons it’s so affective is because of the positive attention someone…

    shadowgirl

  • Down the Rabbit Hole

    Sisters should be eachothers best friends. Except if you’re mine and were raised by abusive parents. I know my sisters were affected by all of it as well, but I was the one who took the brunt of their wrath, so I guess they figured they could treat me like shit too. My sisters aren’t…

    shadowgirl

  • Perfection & Perception

    “It is our very search for perfection outside of ourselves that causes suffering” -Buddha It is wrong to expect perfection from anyone, including yourself. Perfection is a myth. I find it ironic that I expect people to be perfect but I am one of the most flawed people I know.  Is it because the adults…

    shadowgirl

  • To be or not to be…

    It’s hard to “find yourself” when you were never given the opportunity to develop a self. Alan & Henry both made sure of that. So I’m not on a journey to find myself, I’m on a journey to heal. I want to give my inner child an opportunity to be what she was meant to…

    shadowgirl

  • Willy Wonka

    Henry is a sick individual. He loved torturing me. He enjoyed the crying and the screaming. After a while I did nothing. I closed my eyes and prayed it’d be over soon, it usually would be if I didn’t put up a fight. He brought a buddy for what would turn out to be his…

    shadowgirl

  • The night I met the Devil

    Alan, in the grand scheme of things, was not the most traumatic experience I’ve had. What’s worse than getting molested as a child? Rape. My next abuser stole my virginity, and stole my chance at a normal life. Henry is who I have nightmares about. He is the devil himself. This entry will probably be…

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  • Barney vs. Predator

    I don’t like Harry Potter or lord of the rings or anything that is so detached from reality.  You’d think based on my need to dissociate from real life, this would be my go to.  But I don’t find any comfort in something that will never happen.  I will never have a wand that fixes…

    shadowgirl