How can you possibly trust anyone when the only thing people have shown you over and over again is that evil exists? I didn’t feel the need to have people in my life at all, and I was planning on keeping it that way but of course people come into your life and challenge those thoughts and that is what happened.

Mom worked tons of hours and she was rarely home. But she was more involved in my life than she’d ever been. On the one hand, I loved her commitment to our relationship but on the other she was just way too much. I went from raising myself to having all these rules and it didn’t make sense to me. By the time she’d decided she wanted to parent I was a teenager so I felt it was unnecessary. We fought alot because of it.

I’ve always felt out of place. Especially with other kids my age. I’d just been through so much and I couldn’t tell anyone. Who would understand? I had to blend in with normal kids and that’s hard to do when you don’t know how to handle your emotions.

Darren, my boyfriend was nice. It Honestly just blows my mind he was even interested. He was a cool kid, a football dude with plenty of options. I ended up hanging out with all the popular kids which in theory sounds good but keeping up with those people was hard work. The worst part of being in a relationship was needing to do feelings. Darren wanted all the PDA and I was just getting used to accepting hugs. I cheated on Darren and I honestly don’t know why? Maybe Vince was just easy.

Vince was the opposite of Darren. He listened to bands like nirvana, had long hair and didn’t care about fitting in. The easy part was that he didn’t expect too much from me. Darren wanted all the hand holding, cheesy stuff. He was always pushing for more so I got tired and told him I wanted things to end. He cried. It was awkward. I felt bad that I didn’t feel the same way.

Darren was the first guy to really be interested in me as a person. Thinking back at that now, I can see I probably was too scared of that, so I ruined it all with Vince who was more like me. Vince was my normal.