Sisters should be eachothers best friends. Except if you’re mine and were raised by abusive parents. I know my sisters were affected by all of it as well, but I was the one who took the brunt of their wrath, so I guess they figured they could treat me like shit too.

My sisters aren’t technically my sisters. Freddy & my father are brothers, and since I lived under Freddy’s roof it was easier to explain it that way. I was just happy to belong somewhere.

Freddy bought my two sisters a bunny each. I didn’t get my own but I was excited to have animals in the house. They didn’t like doing the dirty work so I volunteered. I’d clean and feed them and that made me happy. I don’t know why it angered them to see me enjoying life, but it did. So they took the bunnies away from me. I was no longer allowed to touch them. They’d carry them all over the house just to rub it in.

My mother saw how much I loved those bunnies so she bought me one. I was the happiest I’d been in a while. Mr. Hopper was so cute! I left them with the other two bunnies every night and got him in the morning.

One morning I woke up and Mr. Hopper was gone. I panicked. I thought maybe I’d left the door open and he had gotten out. I looked for him everywhere while my sisters stood there laughing, watching me cry. I never allowed myself to be angry at anyone because I knew I’d end up getting in trouble, but I could not keep this inside. “What did you guys do to him! Give him back to me!” I yelled. “fight me, and if you win I’ll give him back to you.”  She said. So I did. Laura is several years older so it was impossible to win but I tried. I always ended up on the ground but I kept getting up. I was crying because I was mad, and she laughed at me because she knew I’d never win. After they got bored with picking on me, Laura finally told me that Mr. Hopper had run away. “How?” I asked. But I got no response.

A few years ago, my sisters were talking about the bunnies. “Do you remember when your bunny died?” Laura asked. I looked at her confused. “What do you mean he died?” I said. They both looked at each other and Laura finally said, “I’m not gonna lie to you anymore, our bunnies killed your bunny and we had to throw him away before you saw it.”  They made me feel ridiculous for still getting upset about it. “Get over it, we are adults now, that happened a long time ago.”

I learned that showing my excitement for things wasn’t okay. so I pulled all the way back. I never get excited about anything now. Even if I’m jumping up and down for joy inside. I don’t even know how to do “happy” correctly. It feels weird, so I just never try.