“It is our very search for perfection outside of ourselves that causes suffering” -Buddha

It is wrong to expect perfection from anyone, including yourself. Perfection is a myth. I find it ironic that I expect people to be perfect but I am one of the most flawed people I know.  Is it because the adults in my life always expected perfection from me? When I wasn’t “perfect,” I was beat up both verbally and physically. Have I turned into them?

I wish I had the self-awareness I have now, a few years back.  Maybe I could’ve prevented hurting people any further. What I’ve begun to realize is that everyone has secrets, everyone has struggles and everyone decides how and when they will face those. Our perception of the world is unique. And to impose our beliefs on others is absurd. The best thing you can do for someone is accept them as they are, understand that you won’t always understand and that’s okay. People need to feel seen. I’m talking about seeing the deepest, darkest imperfections, and loving them anyway. I can’t sit here and ask to be accepted, if I don’t extend the same courtesy to others. We are the protagonists in our story and because we’re seeing the world through our lense, we can forget other people exist.

My friend, is one of the kindest, most patient, and loving person I know, but she can also be selfish and inconsiderate. People are not any one thing. People are the sum of their experiences and in that there is wisdom.  Wisdom that you are not privy to because you haven’t lived that life. I’ve encountered way too many bad people along the way, and because of that, I unintentionally assign that label to everyone until they prove me otherwise. But who am I to measure a person’s worth by some made up metric based on my trauma? How is that fair to anyone else?

Learning about yourself is imperative. It’s what makes and breaks relationships, it’s what allows you to clearly communicate your feelings and until you have that self awareness, you’ll always end up hurting the people you love the most.

My friend and I have a different kind of bond. We see each other for who we really are and sometimes that’s all I need. There’s alot of harsh realities that have come to the forefront. Things we refused to see because we were/are ashamed. But having someone to tell you they love you in spite of that is so necessary. She’s not perfect, but she is uniquely her and I wouldn’t want her to be anyone else.

The universe always has a plan. I tell her that all the time, and I firmly believe that we are in eachothers lives to deal with the hard stuff, to recognize just how strong we are, that we are worthy and most importantly, that we are not alone. Sometimes I lose my patience because I don’t get what I need, and I handle it in a way that only makes her shut down further. What I’m learning now because of her, is that everyone has needs and not everyone is gonna know those. You’ve got to know yourself enough to be able to articulate something like that. She doesn’t know all of my past, so she doesn’t understand just how much I really do need her in my life. She has shown me more unconditional love than anyone (including my family) ever has.

I’ve been conditioned to hate myself and to feel worthless but she doesn’t see me that way and I’m scared that one day she’ll see me in that light, just like everybody eventually does. It’s funny how our psyche works isn’t it? You end up being what you never wanted to be and as a result you end up losing the people you never wanted to lose.